By: Krystle Crossman
As parents we all want our children to succeed and live out their dreams in life. Some parents take it too far and push their child too hard. This can lead to resentment from the child, a breakdown in the relationship, and even a break down in the parent’s marriage. Here are some signs according to Dr. Phil that you are pushing your child too far:
1. Your marriage is strained – You are spending so much time and money on making sure that your child is getting to live out their dream that you are neglecting your spouse and possibly even the bills. This will lead to a lot of fighting and could eventually end in divorce if the behavior continues.
2. Superficial world – The world is superficial enough but when you spend all of your time worrying about your child’s hair, make-up, and clothes you begin to force superficial ideals onto them. They will think that they are not good enough because you are always trying to improve their appearance.
3. Your dreams – Think about what it is you are pushing for. Is this something that your child wants or is it something that you really want and are willing to ignore the fact that your child is unhappy to obtain the goal? Some parents feel they have unfinished business or dreams and they often force their child into reliving those dreams for them. This way it is almost like they have finally been able to do what they never got to.
4. Realistic goals – Are you setting realistic goals for your child? If you set the bar too high they may become discouraged easily. Pushing them too far could lead to resentment from your child and can also make something that they once enjoyed a chore that they no longer want any part of.
5. Being critical – Giving constructive criticism is okay, it is how we learn and grow. However when it stops being constructive and starts to become overbearing you are doing more harm than good. Your child is going to make mistakes along the way. If you are too critical of every little thing that they do they may feel like nothing is good enough.
6. Danger – Are you putting your child in danger? Some parents put their children in dangerous situations that could have very negative consequences for them. For example, if a mother puts her daughter in beauty pageants and then tells her that she needs to diet to lose some weight the child could not only be put in physical danger but could have emotional and psychological side effects as well. If they are in danger of becoming emotionally scarred or physically harmed in any way it is not worth it.
Make sure that you encourage your child to go after their dreams at all times but be cautious when you get involved with that dream. Support them, cheer them on, and help them when needed. Let them figure out their dream and do only what is needed from you to help them succeed.